Lost...
Turning left...
Turning right...
Moving forward...
Taking a step back...
Searching....
What am I searching for...
No idea...
Just ride on the winds...
Let it bring me to some where...
Just go with the flow...
But still doesn't answer where should I stop...
Maybe I will know when I'm there...
But for now...
Just go with the flow...
Sunday, December 8, 2013
Saturday, November 2, 2013
Breaking down...
Soon it will happen....
it has been 4 months now exactly on the dot. And in the 4 months everyday I wear this mask saying I'm alright, life needs to go on, I need to get some priorities right, and whatever has happen is just a another event in life and i should learn from it and move on....but lately I'm slowly feeling the pain coming to me...the heartache....it is as though my feelings has been locked up in a box and not it is slowly seeping through the box...I guess soon one of these days I will fall and break down...
it has been 4 months now exactly on the dot. And in the 4 months everyday I wear this mask saying I'm alright, life needs to go on, I need to get some priorities right, and whatever has happen is just a another event in life and i should learn from it and move on....but lately I'm slowly feeling the pain coming to me...the heartache....it is as though my feelings has been locked up in a box and not it is slowly seeping through the box...I guess soon one of these days I will fall and break down...
Tuesday, September 24, 2013
The unexpected dream...
Well i had this dream last night, it was some what nice and yet i feel sad at the same time...
It started when i was at this cafe alone, drinking a cup coffee, reading something, minding my own business. And then i heard some one call out to me and i was like "oh it was you" kinda expression (it was her). So we ended up sitting together asking hows things going over coffee. And when the time comes to go our separate ways, it rained and I saw that she was walking back instead of driving which leads me to offer her a ride back. Initially she didn't want to but i insist since it was raining heavily. while in the car we continue to talk for a while, and the unexpected question came...do u still love me? I ignored that question and move on to talk abt something else. I felt that i didnt want to answer cause I dont want to scare her away and yet at the same time i wanna say yes and ask her the same question...
And there is where it all ends..morning came and no matter how much i wanna know how that dream goes...it is still a dream. Chances of being real is impossible. And no matter how much i try to look pass what has happen between us. The feeling still there and it will never be the same....mayb time will change all of these but for now i just wanna look away from the grieve...
It started when i was at this cafe alone, drinking a cup coffee, reading something, minding my own business. And then i heard some one call out to me and i was like "oh it was you" kinda expression (it was her). So we ended up sitting together asking hows things going over coffee. And when the time comes to go our separate ways, it rained and I saw that she was walking back instead of driving which leads me to offer her a ride back. Initially she didn't want to but i insist since it was raining heavily. while in the car we continue to talk for a while, and the unexpected question came...do u still love me? I ignored that question and move on to talk abt something else. I felt that i didnt want to answer cause I dont want to scare her away and yet at the same time i wanna say yes and ask her the same question...
And there is where it all ends..morning came and no matter how much i wanna know how that dream goes...it is still a dream. Chances of being real is impossible. And no matter how much i try to look pass what has happen between us. The feeling still there and it will never be the same....mayb time will change all of these but for now i just wanna look away from the grieve...
Sunday, September 22, 2013
Saturday, September 7, 2013
Random Thoughts...
Alright it was a really sunny sunny Saturday morning like it was so sunny that it burns my skin when it the sun shines thru the window and onto my bed while I'm still asleep and that was like 10 in the morning and few hours later it is drizzling...Thats Melbourne's weather to you the 4 seasons in one day. Its spring already and want some nice warm sun with some chill breeze, not drastic change from super sunny to super cold....
It already past noon close to tea time for some...and i haven't had lunch yet and this old memory of mine came into my mine. In the church that I grew up in Msia back when i was a kid, there was this hawker show just right outside my church where they serve noodles like curry noodles, beef ball noodles, prawn noodles etc and of course the typical chinese drinks. and just beside that shop there is this huge tree cover over the shop like it was huge shade which protects from the blazing hot sun of Msia. So the memories goes that i was having a plate of Wantan noodles and a cup Teh Si Ping. And I felt satisfied even though the portion was small and the heat was just killing me...
It already past noon close to tea time for some...and i haven't had lunch yet and this old memory of mine came into my mine. In the church that I grew up in Msia back when i was a kid, there was this hawker show just right outside my church where they serve noodles like curry noodles, beef ball noodles, prawn noodles etc and of course the typical chinese drinks. and just beside that shop there is this huge tree cover over the shop like it was huge shade which protects from the blazing hot sun of Msia. So the memories goes that i was having a plate of Wantan noodles and a cup Teh Si Ping. And I felt satisfied even though the portion was small and the heat was just killing me...
Tuesday, September 3, 2013
Who needs a title for something like this?!...
heard of this song while watching a video...kinda hook on it...
Monday, September 2, 2013
Complains, part of life....screw it!....
There are things in life all of hate or just want to complain abt it just because we can we are able to to do it. For an example, when petrol price rises its all over your news feed on any of your social media. Politics screw you over in some way, you complain too. Where am I heading with this? Just wanna complain that everyone complains....
Saturday, August 24, 2013
Something I don't want....
I guess a friend of mine from high school just broke up as well cause the first thing i saw on my fb feed is this pic that says...
"my ex? we're not friends, we're not enemies. we're just strangers with some memories."
for some reason it does make some what of sense....but that's not i want - strangers
"my ex? we're not friends, we're not enemies. we're just strangers with some memories."
for some reason it does make some what of sense....but that's not i want - strangers
Monday, August 19, 2013
Looking...
At times we r just comfortable with the things ard us...i mean from family to friends to job/studies to even the basic things ard us like our room. For me there is pictures of us in my room one literally like next to my bed and for some reason the angle fits well that when i look from few directions you do still see that picture. Part of me wanna take them away but yet at the same time i just feel that it sits there very well. Oh the dilemma..what a pain... I guess in time to come when i think of moving things ard my room again i'll put it away then.... but for now it just shows me the beautiful smile and bring back memories and some agonising pain in the heart...
Wednesday, August 14, 2013
Lonely - 2NE1...
While listening to a bunch of kpop on youtube...though this old but it sounds good - enjoy it
Monday, August 5, 2013
Into the open...
Every now and then life throws shit at you...like how real life shit is being thrown at u, ur first reaction will be 'WTF?!" So in this life shit I'm in...somehow i feel sad/bitter and relieve....ok technically i shouldnt be saying shit but right now i cant find a better way to describe what had happen and how cut off i feel...
Somethings are meant to be said some are not...though part of me feel bitter that says fuck off dont fucking bother with my life anymore, you have decided with what you want so dont get the hell out of my life, at the same time another part of me says see what u have done to me and regret...and another part says forgive me of what i've said...i guess after all what i want is the truth not just a piece of it but the whole truth, the whole picture....though it might hurt me more but i rather be hurt than to linger on things that isnt even a truth..
It has been some time now that i've been working on somethings...and it is getting some where...i'm happy about it..though the initial plan was a surprise but i guess i could just scrap that and hopefully soon that I can show everyone what i've been working on. Its actually a huge surprise but now its gonna be something different...just got to wait and see how things turn out...
Friday, June 14, 2013
Approaching the end of the river, and into the sea...
Oh how I miss this blog of mine...i've not done much changes to it still looks the same as how i left, jumping to another blog just for my convenience. But none the less i still return to this blog of mine second of 3. Somewhat my favourite you may say. The first was gone thanks to the changes made on the host site...The 3rd surviving i think, more of time will change it sooner or later when I have plans for it. As of now i'll return to this blog of mine where I started this 5 years ago.
Life seems smooth going on the surface...at least that is what i want to believe. I'm at this junction again actually where I need to choose a direction i need to go. With so much uncertainty i'm lost for thought and words actually. And I know everyone cares about me and keep on asking me about things but honestly I don't really appreciate it unless it comes from her. Cause I don't know where I'm heading to. No answers, no certainty, just lost and confuse walking on the path that I've chosen hoping I make the right choice and even when it's wrong i would somehow make things right. And not to be rude or anything, i understand that people care but I hate it when I can't give you a simple answer and have to give a whole back story. To a person probably I will be willing to share it out but to a whole clan of people who can seem they need to ask for themselves one by one it gets kinda annoying.
I really hope all things goes well for now, pray for wisdom and courage to face what is heading my way or at least where I'm heading to, and none the less what is about to come at the end of the year...
I'm still afraid of what it might be. Though efforts to get things done a make things better still seems so hard. I'm really afraid that I'm being to comfortable in this state where I'm alright with the less talking and so on...it gives me fears that once I let it be it will grow larger and larger giving more space in between until we are so lost that we never find each other anymore. Some people might say just let it go give it a rest and start all over again after some time. I agree when all i see is so uncertain, almost like walking in a place full of fog, probably walking in circles or heading into possible sanctuary or just walking towards the edge of a cliff where everything ends...But i'm not giving up yet I need to know that i've put everything i got on the line for this...so that at the end no matter what the outcome is, I can say i've fought for it and not let go.
to end it here...an awesome song, time to look forward and hope the best!
"Young And Beautiful"
Life seems smooth going on the surface...at least that is what i want to believe. I'm at this junction again actually where I need to choose a direction i need to go. With so much uncertainty i'm lost for thought and words actually. And I know everyone cares about me and keep on asking me about things but honestly I don't really appreciate it unless it comes from her. Cause I don't know where I'm heading to. No answers, no certainty, just lost and confuse walking on the path that I've chosen hoping I make the right choice and even when it's wrong i would somehow make things right. And not to be rude or anything, i understand that people care but I hate it when I can't give you a simple answer and have to give a whole back story. To a person probably I will be willing to share it out but to a whole clan of people who can seem they need to ask for themselves one by one it gets kinda annoying.
I really hope all things goes well for now, pray for wisdom and courage to face what is heading my way or at least where I'm heading to, and none the less what is about to come at the end of the year...
I'm still afraid of what it might be. Though efforts to get things done a make things better still seems so hard. I'm really afraid that I'm being to comfortable in this state where I'm alright with the less talking and so on...it gives me fears that once I let it be it will grow larger and larger giving more space in between until we are so lost that we never find each other anymore. Some people might say just let it go give it a rest and start all over again after some time. I agree when all i see is so uncertain, almost like walking in a place full of fog, probably walking in circles or heading into possible sanctuary or just walking towards the edge of a cliff where everything ends...But i'm not giving up yet I need to know that i've put everything i got on the line for this...so that at the end no matter what the outcome is, I can say i've fought for it and not let go.
to end it here...an awesome song, time to look forward and hope the best!
"Young And Beautiful"
[Verse 1]
I've seen the world
Done it all
Had my cake now
Diamonds, brilliant
In Bel Air now
Hot summer nights, mid July
When you and I were forever wild
The crazy days, city lights
The way you'd play with me like a child
[Chorus]
Will you still love me
When I'm no longer young and beautiful?
Will you still love me
When I got nothing but my aching soul?
I know you will, I know you will
I know that you will
Will you still love me when I'm no longer beautiful?
[Verse 2]
I've seen the world, lit it up
As my stage now
Channeling angels in the new age now
Hot summer days, rock 'n' roll
The way you play for me at your show
And all the ways I got to know
Your pretty face and electric soul
[Chorus]
Will you still love me
When I'm no longer young and beautiful?
Will you still love me
When I got nothing but my aching soul?
I know you will, I know you will
I know that you will
Will you still love me when I'm no longer beautiful?
[Verse 3]
Dear lord, when I get to heaven
Please let me bring my man
When he comes tell me that you'll let him in
Father tell me if you can
Oh that grace, oh that body
Oh that face makes me wanna party
He's my sun, he makes me shine like diamonds
[Chorus]
And will you still love me
When I'm no longer young and beautiful?
Will you still love me
When I got nothing but my aching soul?
I know you will, I know you will
I know that you will
Will you still love me when I'm no longer beautiful?
Will you still love me when I'm no longer beautiful?
Will you still love me when I'm not young and beautiful?
I've seen the world
Done it all
Had my cake now
Diamonds, brilliant
In Bel Air now
Hot summer nights, mid July
When you and I were forever wild
The crazy days, city lights
The way you'd play with me like a child
[Chorus]
Will you still love me
When I'm no longer young and beautiful?
Will you still love me
When I got nothing but my aching soul?
I know you will, I know you will
I know that you will
Will you still love me when I'm no longer beautiful?
[Verse 2]
I've seen the world, lit it up
As my stage now
Channeling angels in the new age now
Hot summer days, rock 'n' roll
The way you play for me at your show
And all the ways I got to know
Your pretty face and electric soul
[Chorus]
Will you still love me
When I'm no longer young and beautiful?
Will you still love me
When I got nothing but my aching soul?
I know you will, I know you will
I know that you will
Will you still love me when I'm no longer beautiful?
[Verse 3]
Dear lord, when I get to heaven
Please let me bring my man
When he comes tell me that you'll let him in
Father tell me if you can
Oh that grace, oh that body
Oh that face makes me wanna party
He's my sun, he makes me shine like diamonds
[Chorus]
And will you still love me
When I'm no longer young and beautiful?
Will you still love me
When I got nothing but my aching soul?
I know you will, I know you will
I know that you will
Will you still love me when I'm no longer beautiful?
Will you still love me when I'm no longer beautiful?
Will you still love me when I'm not young and beautiful?
Sunday, April 21, 2013
The storm in the heart...
Distance...
That's what I've been feeling lately...
I try and try to close that distance...
To bring us back to where we began...
A gleam of hope it shows...
Yet that distance brings more doubts...
I wish that these doubts go away...
I wish that this distance never existed in the first place..
What has happened has happened...
Time can't be turn back...
At the end I just want to be the only man that you'll only need...
Oh begone distance and doubts...
Trust and hope and faithfulness is all I need...
Monday, April 15, 2013
Bits and Pieces, Here and there...
Its has been a year since i posted something here, partly because I was posting at another site and the other part was that I'm just plain lazy. So why now back here?! Cause I miss this blog of mine type out the many posts that somewhat let me say whatever I want, some boring stuff, some nice songs, some laughable things, basically whatever I feel like sharing with the world. And of now it maybe something to share to everyone but personally not i just need this place for me myself to release all the things that has been on my mind...
first up i love walking in the rain...I went for a walk and it started to rain and it was great!! I've forgot how nice it was to walk under the rain. It bring backs memories of my school days where i practically walk everywhere everyday. And not only that it feels refreshing....the only reason that I've not been doing that for so long is that everyone grows old and some of us ie. me do get sick easily at times...i think the last time i walk in the rain was like 3 years ago.
The past month i would say has been a frustrating roller coaster ride with the hopeful then to the false hope cycle over and over again. At times I see I can turn the tide around and win the battle and the next few days more things reveal and back to square one where the battle seems so impossible. It makes me feel that i should just give up on what we had for 3 years. But every time i see that face of her's, I can't help it and not wanting to let her go. Worst part is that a guy is after her as well...hate guys like them...is this world so populated with guys that u need to go after another person's girl?! well another guy appearing makes things worst actually...now she somewhat like him cause he can praise her in all ways but i find that kinda like a tool to flirt with girls...sigh...Why does relationship needs to be so hard at times? Is it to strengthen us? to tear us apart? I really don't know at times. So frustrating!!!! Because of this I've not been sleeping and eating well...like literally!! sleeping at odd hours either too late or too early. I've lost appetite to eat at times...skipping meals or just eating less so less that a biscuit cam satisfy it. I really don't know what should i do now...sigh...
there is app on the phone called Line, its a chatting app and its kinda fun i mean with the sticker and so on with them having different expression...but at the moment not many people on my contact list is using that so its kinda bored there but at the bright side having less people to talk to give me more concentration on those who r using it....
I guess i've ranted enough...till next time...
first up i love walking in the rain...I went for a walk and it started to rain and it was great!! I've forgot how nice it was to walk under the rain. It bring backs memories of my school days where i practically walk everywhere everyday. And not only that it feels refreshing....the only reason that I've not been doing that for so long is that everyone grows old and some of us ie. me do get sick easily at times...i think the last time i walk in the rain was like 3 years ago.
The past month i would say has been a frustrating roller coaster ride with the hopeful then to the false hope cycle over and over again. At times I see I can turn the tide around and win the battle and the next few days more things reveal and back to square one where the battle seems so impossible. It makes me feel that i should just give up on what we had for 3 years. But every time i see that face of her's, I can't help it and not wanting to let her go. Worst part is that a guy is after her as well...hate guys like them...is this world so populated with guys that u need to go after another person's girl?! well another guy appearing makes things worst actually...now she somewhat like him cause he can praise her in all ways but i find that kinda like a tool to flirt with girls...sigh...Why does relationship needs to be so hard at times? Is it to strengthen us? to tear us apart? I really don't know at times. So frustrating!!!! Because of this I've not been sleeping and eating well...like literally!! sleeping at odd hours either too late or too early. I've lost appetite to eat at times...skipping meals or just eating less so less that a biscuit cam satisfy it. I really don't know what should i do now...sigh...
there is app on the phone called Line, its a chatting app and its kinda fun i mean with the sticker and so on with them having different expression...but at the moment not many people on my contact list is using that so its kinda bored there but at the bright side having less people to talk to give me more concentration on those who r using it....
I guess i've ranted enough...till next time...
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